The primadonna life, the rise and fall

"If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. 

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me. 
But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. 

But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite me thinking that it is impossible."

Feels like i'm drowning in ice cold water

Last 2hrs of September 2012

Random update of my life. 

Pictures from instagram as usual :-)

Self-shot after sooo long. I'm too lazy to dress up these days.....

I even wear slippers to theory lesson for driving HAHA KILL ME

Sister bought koi for bro and me!!! 

Yummy but sinful boohoo :(

My parents got this for us from Genting!!!

#fatkids4lyfe 

HELLO KITTY SNOWSKIN PURE DURIAN MOONCAKE WHICH IS OFFICIALLY MY FAV MOONCAKE THIS YEAR <3

Hello kitty mask which was good! Like immediate effect on me! 

My face shape is back to the usual v shape and much better complexion! 

The new ipod touch5!!! 

So colourful i want!!!!!!!!!

Hehe photo taken today! 

Full moon + good company + yummy mooncake!!!!!! 

September has been a month filled with ups and downs for me...... I ended my 6months of internship in this month. Parted ways with people whom i had so much fun and great memories with, so thankful that i've gained valuable knowledges and met people who will definitely impact me for the rest of my life! :-) This 6months of internship is probably the longest job i've had so far in my life HAHAHA.

Dear September, thank you for being so good to me, i'm really very thankful! 

So.......... In less than 2hrs time,

Please be good to me, please be an awesome one! :-)

I wanna slim down 3kg in this month please!!!!!!!!!!! 

My fav song for now!

"You can count on me to misbehave~"

Till then xx

Last straw

Dear friend, how about I don't appreciate and lie to you EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME and when you finally got mad I try to salvage our friendship?

You and your excuses, I had enough. I believe in second chances but definitely not the third.

Round and round and round

Short update about my life (in case you're wondering)

I've cleared all my theory lessons for driving, gonna go for evaluation next week and if i pass, i can book my BTT already :-) While waiting for my BTT (usually 1-2months), i'll go for FT evaluation and same process, if i pass i'll book my FTT! After that i'll be applying for my PDL (provisional driving license) and i can start my practical training.

All these sounds long but i think the process is pretty easy to get by. Like the almost 2hrs each of theory lesson is actually pretty ok for me (even though i'm forever alone in class) but the truth is everyone is alone! So i don't really worry about looking like a loner HAHAHA.

Next, these days i've been lying on my bed before i finally fall asleep at night. I'd usually spent 1hr or even more just thinking about my life. Like the people in my life, things i've been/going through, my future and every little thing. Nowadays the thoughts in my mind are pretty much about relationship and friends. (aiya i guess everybody thinks about this) I know i've been a failure in relationship so i don't usually (i think i never LOL) give advices to my friends regarding this.

But regarding friendships i think i can be a master and even write a whole book (or even have many separate books) about it...... I must say i've been through alot of failed friendships in my 18 years of life so far. Some i've lost forever, some i've lost and become friends again, some whom doesn't even appreciate me and idk why am i still trying so hard zzz. I'm gonna talk about this 3 category of friends i have. I need to rant ugh.

#01. Those that i've lost forever
A few of them. Conflict and misunderstanding + petty and unforgiving that's why we're no longer friends. Even though some still follow me on twitter and vice versa and also on fb..... But i won't hesitate to throw a chair in your face if you were to come and screw me all over again bitches. I will stand up for myself this time even if i'm all alone. I'm not a pushover and you really need to get this screwed into your pea brain.

#02. Those that i've lost and become friends again
I cherish those friends under this category, it is because i cherish them that's why i'm willing to fight for them and get that friendship back. It might be awkward at times between us and we pretty much watch what we say so as not to hurt the other party, but i really cherish people in this category!

#03. Those whom i'm friends with yet just don't appreciate me
Friends who falls under this category, i'm so near to snapping if you haven't realize. People who fall under this category makes me question my existence and importance. They say they miss you and all but NEVER makes an effort to at least meet you. All they do is use that mouth full of lies to talk to you. One of the most absurd reason i've got when one person of this category told me she can't meet me because her mom asked her to go eat seafood with her that's why she can't meet me. WE PLANNED IT LIKE WEEKS AGO AND OUT OF SO MANY DAYS HER MOM WANNA EAT SEAFOOD ON THAT VERY DAY? GOOD JOB WELL DONE. Think that that's the most absurd reason? NO, NOT YET. From the very same person: We were supposed to meet yesterday (thursday), so on wednesday i texted her at night around 9pm+ to confirm where and what time we are meeting. Then she replied "i sprained my ankle when jogging just now, can meet other days? Sorry!!!!"

Good job. Even if you're telling the truth don't you have the basic common sense to at least inform me??? Still have to wait for me to text you then you tell. KNNBCCB I'M NOT STUPID OK I KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON AND I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON ALL THE LIES YOU SAY.

I tweeted something about this (NOT SO DIRECT LOR), after tweeting within 10mins i received a text from her asking if i'm free next tuesday we meet go out. So courteous leh, still dear steffie. DEAR YOUR LJ. STOP LYING TO ME. I don't think i'm a forgiving person la, expectedly i replied "not sure, confirm with you again"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH IN YOUR FUCKING LIAR FACE.

Just a little magic

I just got reminded of the fact today why i love Show Luo so much. He's really the type of guy i'd wanna marry (also my icandy's type) HAHAHAHA

So cute omg

SO PRETTY

WALAU

Why so charming??? 

But of course i'm not those super fan girls who will travel around just to see him la.......... I got my own living fantasy in this reality already why still dream of this idol right??? IDOLIZE FROM FAR (FROM SINGAPORE LOL) CAN LIAO. 

And i got friends who told me i look like his little sister (although he doesn't have one)!!!! Cos of our eyebags zzzzz. I dont know if i should feel laugh or cry....... But still, i'm really flattered hehe ♥ He's really those kind of guy that i will idolize! Like wah i really wanna date him someday haha fat hope. Handsome guy, wish you were mine~ HAHAHA KIDDING.

But i really miss my icandy!!! Can't wait for the almost remaining 2weeks of holidays to end, i wanna see him!!! 

Tell me a lie

Time check: 1.06am (RANTY POST AHEAD)
I'm wide awake (pretty sleepy actually), watching videos online to past time cos i find it hard to fall asleep at 10pm which i'd usually do during my 6months of internship. But now that it's over i kind of screwed my body clock up again zzz.

Anyway i was watching xx's guide to life videos! And i realize i like when she dyed her hair lilac more than the current cotton candy pink now. But i'm still a supporter + reader of her's. She's such a motivation to me :-) After watching almost 10 videos of xx's guide to life, thoughts of Dawn Yang stuck me. I decided to google up the conflict between them HAHA so paparazzi and kpo ah. I remember reading and watching the videos between them directly/indirectly scolding each other, but i decided to read about it all over again cos i was bored.

So i went to stalk DY's blog because i was never once a reader of hers so i decided to give it a visit. Then i realize she actually made a post about xx once again after the old issue 2-3years ago?

Tbh i don't really like DY......... Maybe because i'm a supporter of xx? Plus xx is magnanimous whereas this DY is so petty and all. After so long already why still rake up old issues. I can't never understand this kind of people argh.

Oh this is for you, the unforgiving bitch in my life. You're welcome :-)

Fuck you for making my life back then so hard, fuck you for being so unforgiving even after i've apologized and tried to make things better, fuck you for being a bitch when i almost begged you for forgiveness, fuck you for being so ugly now although i thought you were pretty back then, fuck you and your shitass attitude, fuck you cos i'm doing better than you now.

 BURN.

Where is the love

10 questions about me

I think people really have alot of questions about me. And there's many things that i don't tell anyone because 1) i dont trust them 2) i dont trust people easily 3) when someone break my trust for them they're never gonna get it back, never.

Q1. Race and languages you speak?
I'm a chinese! (Although i look kind of mix malay/thai, unfortunately i'm a pure chinese. I wna be a mix instead of pure :< ) I speak english and chinese! I can't speak dialects like hokkien but i can understand bits of them. I understand abit of malay too! :-)

Q2. Favorite food?
I pretty much like all the food! No preference unless i have cravings. For now i'm craving for sushiiiii :-(
But my mom is the best chef in the world no doubt!!! <3

Q3. Height and weight?
The forever sensitive question..... especially *cough* weight *cough*
I'm 165/166cm tall! The last time i weigh myself i'm 53kg..... I think i'm fat ugh.

Q4. First kiss? Place?
Thb i can't remember this at all. Must be because it is not memorable and not worth me remembering HAHAHA. But i really can't recall this!

Q5. Ever kissed a girl? When?
Yup! My poly bestfriend hahahaha. We're at her birthday party in festive hotel last year, we're all drunk and wasted then the guys were going "kiss kiss kiss! If sister must kiss!" so we did HAHAHA. Was just a peck though, not those french kiss kind!

Q6. Are you a daredevil?
I think i am??? I dare to take all the thrilling rides in USS! They're so fun!!!! I can't wait to go there again this year during the halloween event yay!!!!! So i guess i am one? Haha hero much.

Q7. Good or bad girl?
Haha i think i'm a bad girl. I skip classes and even school during sec2!!! So young so damaged ah haha! Now that i'm in poly i'm always late for class, always talk and laugh during lectures, think of ways to leave lecture early, skip classes and stuffs! I drink but i don't smoke, so there's still an angel in me right??? HAHAHAH

Q8. How many ex you have?
1! Just one serious one! People think i have alot of ex but it's not true :-( There are a few whom i almost got together with but sometimes you just realize in time that the 2 of you are not meant to be together. Some who woo you but you obviously got zero feeling for them boohoo. I'm pretty loyal and true in relationship! Once i fall for someone i fall real hard. That's why i had a pretty tough time during that break up but i'm all stronger already! :-)

Q9. Favorite hang-out place?
My home! Nothing beats home!!! But if you're talking about hanging-out with my friends, i think it would be town! Haha no, we're not scene kids!

Q10. Bucket list before you die?
I wanna find the love of my life, get married to him in Paris, have kids, live happily, go bungee jumping, rob the bank (JUST KIDDING), travel, have countless of money to shop!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But i would really wanna buy a new house and car for my parents! I wanna be able to take care of them and they won't have to work anymore, they can travel whenever they want to! I love them so much!

--
Haha i did this cos i was bored at home. Holidays.............

Live while we're young

Tbh, I kind of miss having someone to miss.

--

Hi i'm blogging out of boredom cos i'm home all alone today. Parents went Genting, sister went to work and bro to school :-( But it really feels good not having to prepare and rush out of the house! Internship is really a burden. I'm gonna take this 3 weeks of holidays i have to pay back my sleeping debt!

Gonna watch some youtube videos, prepare and head out to BBDC soon. Basic theory lesson boohoo :-(

Till then xx

Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words

Before i start with my post, i wanna announce that MY 6 MONTHS OF INTERNSHIP FINALLY ENDED YESTERDAY AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Deep breathes* Ok let's continue shall we? Photos from my instagram as usual :-)

So the day before my internship ends, i met up with C for dinner and she helped me in the making of all the farewell cards! (Ok la quite insincere cos i did them 1 day before the actual day..) BUT i swear i wasn't the most insincere one, the other intern actually did hers in the office on the very last day of our internship wtf.

OK WE DINED AT DELIFRANCE BTW SORRY FOR BEING SO RANTY. 

Did i mention that their sandwich was so good? Subway really cannot fight, i'm not even kidding.

Ta-da!!! The end product of me writing like mad for nearly 2hrs at delifrance!

Hehe farewell my internship company gave! Oishi pizza, sushi, swensen's icecream cake! ^^

Here! She's the one who went through the 6months of shit with me. We've been through alot together and become closer than we used to be! Btw we're in the same course but different class, our classes seldom interact and thus i didn't even know about her existence before internship. SHE WAS EVEN IN THE SAME CLASS AS ME FOR ONE MODULE (MY MOST HATED GEN-ED) SO I WAS PRETTY MUCH ANTI SOCIAL AND SKIP CLASS VERRRRY OFTEN SO IDGAF WHETHER I MAKE ANY FRIENDS THERE LOL. Haha so i was actually supposed to know her since year1 but i didn't cos i was anti social in that module la. I pretty much just come class, mark attendance, use lappy/phone, find things to do for the 2hrs, think of ways to leave class early. Lol i'm such a badass ikr ;-) 

So yup, we went through alot! I saw her cried for countless times and so did she. We kind of like saw each other's ugly side within these 6months hahaha! Thank you, you're really very hardworking (compared to me), kind too! Although you might be kind of like a bitch at times with your guailan face and pms. But i'm still thankful that i have you with me for the 6months! :-)

She's my neighbour for the 6months! Been really kind to me. Always protecting and helping me when i have difficulties with my work! She's a super fun person to be with and i'm glad i met her. One of the greatest gift i've received for this internship! Thank you kak Helwa, i will visit our office when i have the time! :-)

She's our company's new intern! As known as new maid, punching bag, errand girl, gardener and wtv bad things you can think of. Kind of feel sad for her cos she's the only intern this time round unlike me so lucky HAHAHA. She's my primary school classmate's friend now. So i kind of protect her as much as i can within the 5/6 days of handover. Pretty girl indeed!

3 interns from SP! I'll see R in 3weeks time when year2 sem2 starts and the pretty girl ML in 6months time! ^^

My colleagues forever so sweet :-( 

"You'll be missed more than you know"

Some random snack i had 2 days ago? Got it from BKK, not bad for a snack i guess? Tho it's kind of fattening boo :-(

My new wardrobe came today! I threw/sold/gave away all the the unwanted ones and these are the remaining ones in my wardrobe! I forgot another stack of tops tho. My shorts/highwaist shorts seems so little in the picture but there's like 20+ pieces of it LOL. My mom keep nagging already, she told me everyday go school must change cannot repeat the same pair of shorts x.x

I'm so glad the 6months of internship that i spent forever ranting about ended! It was kind of sad that i have to leave all the mentors i worked with for the past 6 months. They really made my internship so memorable and i have indeed learnt alot and gained valuable knowledge. I've learnt to be a better person after this internship. Those tears, sweat, laughter and scoldings. I turned 18 during this 6months too! Had my awesome-est birthday spent with them too! I will miss the times i had in TRUST. But i guess this is life, you have to move on no matter how much you don't bear to leave. I'm grateful :-)

xx

I have a whole 3 weeks of holidays before i go back school and continue studying! Honestly i'm having mixed feelings about this as i dont really think i'm ready for all the projects/exams stress, on the brighter note, i can finally see my icandy! But nonetheless i'm really excited for school, i can get back my social life (which i apparently lost thanks to internship) and see my polymates 5 days a week woohoo!!!

And my room got repainted, new wardrobe, new bed frame and a new dining table!!! I'm sharing room with my sister already and my study table is in my bro's new room. Which means im currently in my bro's room whr he's sleeping like a log and where i have to study in when school starts T_T

Gonna catch up with RM and family day tmrw yay! <3 Till then xoxo

I see you drive around town with the guy i love

Shall do a short update about my boring-bobianlanlan-suck-thumb life while waiting for 10.30 to watch a tv show hahaha! Photos are from my instagram btw :-)

My kakak from internship company shared one of her speaker with me! I got songs to hear everyday yay ^^

My SGD 3/4 unicorn muscle tank from bkk!!!!

Met buddy on thursday when i gek mc. Forever accompanying me when i go see doctor cos i dont wanna work #badass. Anyway we met this doctor and within 1min im done with consultation sumpah. He's like "r u ok?? fever?" *reaches for my neck* no warning one leh him. Got potential to be a comedian! Buddy and me like holding our laughter inside the room, come out both laugh like mad HAHAHAHA.

And i had my hair cut on the very same day!!! Trimmed it and i think it's really better now although there's not much of a difference in the picture above :(

Alsooooo on that very same day, I REGISTERED FOR DRIVING!!!

Registered for manual one cos i don't wna repeat the whole shit process again when i'm much older and intend to drive a sports car (fat hope) that requires a manual driving license instead of auto one.

I went for the BTL (basic theory lesson) + BTP (basic theory practice) 1.01 today! Was okay i guess........ Although i was all alone in class and was pretty much an awkward turtle but idgaf and i dont intend to make any friends there so fts!!! I'm just gna get over and be done with this hopefully in 6months time! My BTL's classmates are like 1/3 abnn..... super turn off boohoo. I'm not gna book any lessons/practice in the weekends anymore! Burn my weekend + have to face all the foreign talents fml zzzzz.

Nexttt, i'm left with 5 days of internship and i'm officially done with this shit!!!! The new intern came on friday for a supposedly short orientation which lasted 4hrs in the end. She really dont know is suay or what. But i must say she's really pretty + sweetlooking! I seldom praise girls cos i will see myself in their shoes, i always think to myself whether i wna be like her, if yes, it is because she's someone i'd like to improve and be like! Yup she's one of the very few girls :-) And  her birthday is 27aug while i'm 26aug, we both stays in bp area.. Coincidence or whutttt hahaha.

Went to buy bed frame, wardrobe and dining table today! Idk my parents strike lottery or what but i'm super happpppy. And we're gna repaint our rooms! The uncle is coming over tmrw to let us choose the colours wohoo! Good thing is that we are able to customise our wardrobe cos we want it big. Told ya my wardrobe is bursting already right hahaha!

Ok my timing super good it's 10.24 as i type this. I'm gna read up some of the usual blogs that i'd visit and turn off my lappy! Till then xx :-)

I wanna find the guy and tell him he's the one

Best feelings in the world

So true :-)

One more night

Hi! I'm here with some of the photos from my Bangkok trip ^^

From the airport to the city area (where platinum mall etc shopping centres are), the cheapest + fastest + most convenient way is to take the airport link! It is located on the basement of the Bkk's Suvarnabhumi international airport fyi :-)

Sister and mom! :-)

Empty airport link!

Budacco hotel's lobby. Pretty right!

Welcome drink and hot towels. How thoughtful can Thais be? 

Super yummy sweet potato balls!

Thailand's famous dessert. Red ruby inside!

Hehe minnie's ribbon is align to my head :p

Cute dad and bro! ^^

My siblings and my room, yellow theme :-)

Small but its super clean :-)

Parents' room, pink theme!

Fav drink = ovaltine :-)

At the cafeteria in our hotel lobby, pink theme again :-)

Central World! Super huge shopping centre i love this place!!!

Road side food, super nice and cheap!

Chicken wings! 10baht each = SGD0.40!

Big C supercenter is located directly opposite central world :-)

10baht = SGD0.40 bubble tea! 

Chocolate and milk tea flavour :-)

Outside central world <3

So qttttt

Mama!!

They got this camera giant screen thingy inside central world, spot it and take photos for free!!

Honey chicken!!!

Only in Thailand :-)

Usual traffic jam here in Bangkok :-(

BTS! Is like our mrt :-)

Buying ticket!

Their station :-)

"Ez-link" card

The track :-)

Terminal 21 is a airport theme shopping centre! Very spacious, sells good food at their foodcourt. More of those atas / unique shops. :-)

They got their very own Taokaenoi's shop inside terminal 21 basement!!

Like sushi......

Why so cute?

MY FAV CHURROS OMG I CAN DIE

Giant doraemon!

Packed foodcourt cos it's their lunchtime :(

Spicy noodles, super good!

Phad Thai (must try in bkk)

Oyster omelette!!!!!!!!!

Mango sticky rice. No more explanation, it's a super must try in bkk or actually in thailand!

Desserts hehe #fatkid4lyfe

They uses these cards where u have to put money inside to buy ur food! Like debit card kinda thing.

Passionfruit :-)

Hehe we found another one inside central world when we went there the next day or smth!

Street hawkers sells the cheapest and best food! (Tho you'd risk having food poisoning if you're not lucky / strong enough :p)

I SWEAR THIS IS THE BEST TOM YUM SOUP I EVER HAD IN MY 18 YEARS OF LIFE. Sorry but idk how to explain where to find this place....... :(

Fishhhh damn good too!

These prawns are meh....

Morning!

Mom did this for me yay! ^^v

Mac's upsize is only 10baht = SGD0.40 and see the difference for their fries.... its super duper huge in rl!!!

20baht icecream!!! 3 scoops of icecream and 3 toppings!

IT'S IN THE GENES U SEE?

Traffic jam as usual~

Elephant!!! Fake.

<3

FAV BRAND OF DONUT <3

The queue never cease!!!

Love their original one!

Cookien'cream and almond choco!

:O

DUSTCAPS

MY LITTLE PONY!

Foodcourt in MBK! More atas kind but the ambiance here is very good :-)

Damn good im craving for it nowwww

Complimentary thai iced milk tea for tourists!!! 

Cabbing to Chatuchak!!! Fare was around 120baht = SGD4-5 only wtf ikr

The pork here damn good. We're back this time for it again!

Then we took the bts to Phahon Yothin for shopping! Union mall, central mall and tesco lotus is located at this station!

The token for us to enter the station!

Touristy post........

Only in Bkk/thailand i guess? Chester's!

Super good shrimp burger!

Friendly staffs from Budacco! They're really damn friendly and nice people!!!

Not forgetting this cute security guard ^^

^^v

Legendary curry powder crab. Food porn much hahahah

Night market! It opens in the morning too!

SGD0.80 mac's burger! Mini sizeeee. I had this + ovaltine + banana milk + cheesecake for supper. Yes i've got strong tummy huh, didn't have diarrhea :p

Before leaving :(:(:(

Writing something for budacco. We love you and we will be back for you again! <3

Shoes...... I realize not all are inside!!!!

Accessories hehe all cheap cheap!

Cute keyholder!

I'm too lazy to add photos for the clothes and food we bought, soon i guess? This pretty much sums up my bkk this sept! From all the food photo you can imagine how much i've gained right.......... 2kg. I can burn and die now. But i must say the 2kg i've gained are not calories wasted! They're all good food and eating them makes me happy! (although im sad now cos im fat alrdy boo). Neeways i'll be going again this dec! Companion to be confirmed but is with ppl from sp hehe ^^

I've been jogging for the past 3 days, i really need to slim down before school starts on 15oct :( 

Running man now till then! xx